It could have been a “Seinfeld” episode: Kesha wanted to hug Jerry, he shunned her and it became a huge event about nothing.
Here’s how it would have played out on “Seinfeld.”
Jerry: Well, you know, frankly, outside of a sexual relationship, I don’t see the point to the hug hello. I’m not thrilled with all the handshaking either, but one step at a time.
Elaine: How ’bout an intercourse hello? How would that be?
Jerry enters his building. Kesha spots him from across the lobby and closes in for a hello hug. Jerry backs away from the hug with so much effort that he’s up against the mailboxes.
Jerry: Uh, listen. I decided I can’t hug hello anymore. I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal…
Kesha looks upset by Jerry’s outburst.
Jerry: … It just makes me a little uncomfortable and I can’t do it. I’m sorry! I can’t do the hello hug anymore. (He continues backing away.) I’m sorry. I just can’t do it.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just I’m not really able to do it and uh, I’m sorry.
Jerry backs into the elevator.
Kramer: You should have done the hug hello. I know her eyeliner’s smudged a little, but Jerrrrry!
Elaine: It starts with the hug hello and before you know it you’re trapped with a close talker!
Yada yada yada.
Note: Aside from a couple of tweaks and hugs the above is actual dialog from the “Seinfeld” episode, titled, yes, “The Kiss Hello.”
UNITED STRINGS ALONG ANOTHER UNHAPPY PASSENGER
United Airlines has struck again — literally. They just roughed up a classical violinist, yet.
Yennifer Correia was boarding with her priceless, 18th-century violin when she was barred from bringing the instrument aboard. It ended with an enraged United supervisor lunging for the 300-year-old instrument.
Where does United recruit their top executives — prison yards?
United issued another totally inappropriate passenger beat-down statement that read: “We’re disappointed anytime a customer has an experience that does not live up to his or her expectation.”
What are the chances that her expectation included violin violence?
HOUSE OF LIES
Two of the country’s most famous pathological liars offered to testify under oath about the “lies” others have said about them when they were under oath.
Bill Cosby’s publicist on Friday hinted that he’ll testify at his sexual assault trial, which civil rights attorney Gloria Allred said is “as likely as any of us going to the moon on Monday.”
Donald Trump, who lies for a living, also offered to possibly commit perjury by testifying under oath that James Comey committed perjury by lying about him. That means either Trump or Comey will or already has lied under oath, and has committed or will commit a crime by doing so.
As for Cosby and Trump, since both are well-known pathological liars, does it count as perjury if they believe their own lies under oath?
Pleasure of his company: There hasn’t been this much talk of serving at the pleasure of the President since Monica Lewinsky left town … Liars & Leakers: Presidential deputy press secretary/ failed presidential candidate daughter Sarah Huckabee Sanders to the press: “I can definitively say the President is not a liar,” she lied … Despite so many advisers advising the country’s biggest twit to stay the hell off Twitter, he still tweeted, “Despite so many false statements and lies, total and complete vindication … and WOW, Comey is a leaker!” … Naked and Annoying: What’s the difference between Knoxville and New York? On Friday a man in Knoxville, Tenn., was arrested for parading naked up and down a main drag and it made national nudes, ah, news. At the same day/same time more than 100 naked people showed up in Times Squareand painted each other and not only didn’t they get arrested, they upstaged the other normally naked Times Square desnudas and nobody much cared. Remember when Times Square was filled with sex shows before it became the now family-friendly destination?